It’s National Recovery Month and for far too many of us survivors, drugs and alcohol were coping mechanisms for our trauma. Child sexual assault is one of the most traumatic physical, psychological, and emotional crimes one can experience.
I was assaulted at age 12. My innocence was taken that day; my childhood came to a screeching halt, and every part of who I once knew myself to be became a blurry reflection in a mirror I once trusted. I lost sleep. Had nightmares. Feared everything and everyone around me. I was hypervigilant. I would just stare off into space and lose track of time until someone would pull me back into reality.
My grades suffered; my self-esteem was decimated. I blamed myself. And, hated my body because I didn’t under the violation that it experienced. I felt dirty. Feeling everything, all at once and nothing at all.
I could not manage the eruptions of rage that would come out of nowhere. Hiding the tears as they filled my eyes, because crying was weakness in my family. I began to hurt myself because my skin did not feel real; it felt borrowed and used. I very quickly moved into using drugs and alcohol because I learned quickly that they could quell a pain I could not even describe but knew I did not want to ever feel.
But there was never enough alcohol and never enough drugs. My pain simmer underneath and begged for release.
My experience was personal, but it was not unusual.
The Reality of Abuse
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that at least one in four girls and one in 20 boys in the United States experience child sexual abuse. Because many children delay disclosure or never tell anyone, even these numbers likely underestimate the true prevalence.
The person who causes the harm is rarely a stranger. Approximately 90% of child sexual abuse is committed by someone the child or the child’s family knows and trusts. That reality complicates disclosure. Children may love, depend upon, fear, or want to protect the person who harmed them. They may worry that no one will believe them or that telling will destroy their family.
Child sexual abuse can affect how a person thinks, feels, behaves, and relates to others throughout life. The CDC identifies depression, post-traumatic stress symptoms, suicide risk, revictimization, and substance misuse, including opioid misuse, among its potential long-term consequences.
Research on adverse childhood experiences tells a similar story. In the CDC’s 2023 national survey of high school students, approximately three out of four students reported at least one adverse childhood experience, and nearly one in five reported four or more. As the number of adverse experiences increased, so did the prevalence of numerous behavioral and mental health concerns, including alcohol use, binge drinking, prescription opioid misuse, persistent sadness, and suicidal behavior.
These statistics do not mean that every survivor will develop a substance use disorder. They also do not mean that trauma is the only cause of addiction. They show that trauma can significantly increase vulnerability and that we cannot treat substance use effectively if we refuse to ask what pain may exist beneath it.
For many survivors, drugs and alcohol do not begin as a pursuit of pleasure. They begin as relief. They quiet intrusive memories, numb shame, slow racing thoughts, soften hypervigilance, and make sleep possible. What begins as an attempt to survive can eventually become another source of suffering.
That is why asking only, “Why are you using?” misses the deeper question:
“What happened to you, and what is the substance helping you escape?”
Recovery became possible for me when I stopped viewing myself as broken and began understanding how hard my mind and body had worked to keep me alive. The substances eventually threatened my life, but before that, they served a purpose: they helped me endure pain I did not yet know how to process.
Healing required more than putting down drugs and alcohol. It required facing the trauma underneath them and learning that I could survive my feelings without having to silence them.
What Parents Need to Know
Parents cannot prevent every act of abuse, and responsibility always belongs to the person who commits it. However, parents and caregivers can create conditions that make children less vulnerable to grooming and more likely to seek help.
1. Talk About Body Safety Before There Is a Concern
Body-safety conversations should begin early and continue as children grow. Teach children the correct names for body parts, explain that private parts are private, and make clear that they can refuse unwanted touching even from an adult, relative, coach, teacher, or family friend.
Avoid framing sexual abuse solely as “stranger danger.” Most children know the person who harms them.
2. Teach the Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy
Children should understand that surprises are temporary and eventually revealed, while unsafe secrets make them feel frightened, ashamed, confused, or responsible for protecting an adult.
Tell your child:
- No adult should ask you to keep touching, pictures, gifts, or private communications secret.
- You will never be in trouble for telling me something that happened to you.
- If someone asks you to break a rule, you can still tell me, and I will focus first on keeping you safe.
- If the first adult does not listen, keep telling until someone does.
3. Pay Attention to Changes Without Assuming One Explanation
Some children show clear signs of trauma, while others show no outward signs at all. Behavioral changes do not prove that sexual abuse occurred, but they deserve curiosity and attention.
Possible changes may include:
- Nightmares or difficulty sleeping;
- Sudden fear of a person, place, or activity;
- Withdrawal or emotional numbness;
- Unexplained anger or aggression;
- Falling grades or difficulty concentrating;
- Dissociation or appearing to “zone out”;
- Self-harm;
- Sexual knowledge or behavior that is not age-appropriate;
- Changes in eating or hygiene;
- Running away;
- Depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts; and
- Alcohol or drug use.
Instead of beginning with punishment, begin with connection: “I’ve noticed that you do not seem like yourself. I’m not angry. I’m worried, and I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
4. Treat Substance Use as a Possible Signal, Not Simply Defiance
Consequences and boundaries may still be necessary, but punishment alone will not heal the reason a young person uses substances.
If a child or teenager begins drinking, using drugs, self-harming, or engaging in other high-risk behavior, ask what the behavior is doing for them. Is it helping them sleep? Feel less anxious? Fit in? Forget? Stop feeling?
A substance use assessment should include careful, developmentally appropriate screening for trauma, abuse, bullying, exploitation, depression, and anxiety. Treatment that addresses the substance without addressing the trauma may leave the underlying pain untouched.
5. If Your Child Discloses Abuse, Stay Calm and Believe Them
Your child will watch your reaction closely. As difficult as it may be, try not to respond with panic, rage, disbelief, or repeated questioning.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network recommends listening carefully, remaining calm, supporting the child, and never blaming them.
Helpful responses include:
- “I believe you.”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “This was not your fault.”
- “You are not in trouble.”
- “I am going to help keep you safe.”
- “You do not have to tell me everything right now.”
Do not interrogate your child or repeatedly ask for details. Trained investigators and child advocacy professionals can conduct developmentally appropriate interviews without unnecessarily retraumatizing the child or compromising an investigation.
6. Do Not Blame Yourself or Your Child for a Delayed Disclosure
Children may wait months, years, or decades to disclose sexual abuse. Some deny it even when adults directly ask them.
A child may fear punishment, family disruption, retaliation, humiliation, or disbelief. The person causing the abuse may have convinced the child that they participated willingly or will be responsible for the consequences of disclosure.
A delayed, partial, or changing disclosure does not mean the abuse did not happen. Disclosure is often a process rather than a single event.
7. Find Care That Understands Both Trauma and Substance Use
If trauma and substance use coexist, treatment should address both. Look for professionals experienced in childhood trauma, sexual abuse, addiction, and evidence-based trauma treatment.
Recovery should not require a survivor to choose between sobriety support and trauma treatment. The two must work together.
Most importantly, give healing time. A survivor’s recovery may not follow a straight line. Setbacks do not erase progress, and difficult behavior does not make a child less worthy of patience, protection, or care.
When a Child Needs Help
If a child is in immediate danger, call 911. Suspected child sexual abuse can also be reported through the appropriate state child protection agency or local law enforcement.
The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline provides confidential crisis support, information, and referrals 24 hours a day in more than 170 languages. Call or text 1-800-422-4453.
A local Children’s Advocacy Center can also help families coordinate forensic interviewing, medical care, victim advocacy, and trauma-focused mental health services.
Recovery Is More Than Abstinence
National Recovery Month gives us an opportunity to celebrate recovery, but it must also compel us to examine the pain that so often precedes addiction.
We must stop asking survivors why they drank, used drugs, harmed themselves, stayed silent, or struggled to function as though those behaviors developed in a vacuum. We must become willing to understand what those behaviors helped them survive.
Sobriety saved my life. Trauma recovery gave me a life I finally wanted to remain present for.
To the survivor still using substances to quiet an unbearable memory: You are not weak. You are not dirty. You are not beyond help. What happened to you was not your fault, and you deserve support that addresses all of you not simply the coping mechanism that became visible to everyone else.